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Today Matters
Jul. 1st, 2009 01:40 pmMaybe the problem with studies that talk about future success, and whether peers or parents, or aliens (okay, I added that one), make the largest impact on it, is that they are discounting the now as important. Maybe my kids' future successes (not sure how they're measuring success here either) are not dependent upon how I parent them, but their happiness and contentment today is. I could do many little things to make my kids unhappy, and uncomfortable, or I could do many little things that add to their comfort, happiness, and joy, today.
Today matters too, whenever that today took place.
I remember someone complaining that their parents let them quit piano lessons (an activity they hated as a child), because if their parents had forced them to continue, they would be able to play as an adult, and all the uncomfortable boring practice would be in the past (they didn't want to put the effort in as an adult, just have already put it in). This discounts their experiences at the time as the child. They would have been miserable at the time; just because it was in the past does not negate that unpleasantness. Besides, after being forced to continue lessons, this person might have grown up hating piano and while becoming proficient may have never wanted to touch another piano again.
My natural inclination is to disregard any study that claims the parental relationship does not impact a child (though when they talk about success in school, I realize I may not be their target audience, anyway). Maybe in a society that condones making a baby cry it out, and putting a six week old in some stranger's care, and shipping your child off to school at 5 yrs old (or 4, or 3), the normal parent/child relationship is already so eroded, that it has little power to affect a child's future.
Of course, I've never been very good at being normal ;-).
Today matters too, whenever that today took place.
I remember someone complaining that their parents let them quit piano lessons (an activity they hated as a child), because if their parents had forced them to continue, they would be able to play as an adult, and all the uncomfortable boring practice would be in the past (they didn't want to put the effort in as an adult, just have already put it in). This discounts their experiences at the time as the child. They would have been miserable at the time; just because it was in the past does not negate that unpleasantness. Besides, after being forced to continue lessons, this person might have grown up hating piano and while becoming proficient may have never wanted to touch another piano again.
My natural inclination is to disregard any study that claims the parental relationship does not impact a child (though when they talk about success in school, I realize I may not be their target audience, anyway). Maybe in a society that condones making a baby cry it out, and putting a six week old in some stranger's care, and shipping your child off to school at 5 yrs old (or 4, or 3), the normal parent/child relationship is already so eroded, that it has little power to affect a child's future.
Of course, I've never been very good at being normal ;-).
