Today Matters
Jul. 1st, 2009 01:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crazychicknladyMaybe the problem with studies that talk about future success, and whether peers or parents, or aliens (okay, I added that one), make the largest impact on it, is that they are discounting the now as important. Maybe my kids' future successes (not sure how they're measuring success here either) are not dependent upon how I parent them, but their happiness and contentment today is. I could do many little things to make my kids unhappy, and uncomfortable, or I could do many little things that add to their comfort, happiness, and joy, today.
Today matters too, whenever that today took place.
I remember someone complaining that their parents let them quit piano lessons (an activity they hated as a child), because if their parents had forced them to continue, they would be able to play as an adult, and all the uncomfortable boring practice would be in the past (they didn't want to put the effort in as an adult, just have already put it in). This discounts their experiences at the time as the child. They would have been miserable at the time; just because it was in the past does not negate that unpleasantness. Besides, after being forced to continue lessons, this person might have grown up hating piano and while becoming proficient may have never wanted to touch another piano again.
My natural inclination is to disregard any study that claims the parental relationship does not impact a child (though when they talk about success in school, I realize I may not be their target audience, anyway). Maybe in a society that condones making a baby cry it out, and putting a six week old in some stranger's care, and shipping your child off to school at 5 yrs old (or 4, or 3), the normal parent/child relationship is already so eroded, that it has little power to affect a child's future.
Of course, I've never been very good at being normal ;-).
Today matters too, whenever that today took place.
I remember someone complaining that their parents let them quit piano lessons (an activity they hated as a child), because if their parents had forced them to continue, they would be able to play as an adult, and all the uncomfortable boring practice would be in the past (they didn't want to put the effort in as an adult, just have already put it in). This discounts their experiences at the time as the child. They would have been miserable at the time; just because it was in the past does not negate that unpleasantness. Besides, after being forced to continue lessons, this person might have grown up hating piano and while becoming proficient may have never wanted to touch another piano again.
My natural inclination is to disregard any study that claims the parental relationship does not impact a child (though when they talk about success in school, I realize I may not be their target audience, anyway). Maybe in a society that condones making a baby cry it out, and putting a six week old in some stranger's care, and shipping your child off to school at 5 yrs old (or 4, or 3), the normal parent/child relationship is already so eroded, that it has little power to affect a child's future.
Of course, I've never been very good at being normal ;-).
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Kids
Date: 2009-07-03 06:01 pm (UTC)The studies indicate that basically, the peer group during adolescence constitutes almost the entire "nurture" portion of predictable traits (that are observed when the kid is away from family ... apparently in-family behavior and out are often VERY distinct). On the other hand...what I didn't read in the book, but assumed anyway, was that homeschoolers had a slightly different case.
Then it turns out the Mr. Friedman had gone back and forth with Ms. Harris, and had learned that her perspective was carefully stated. The peer group gets all the influence. In normal world, the parents get none. However...in some cases, the parents are either part of or all of the peer group (and we all agree that ALL of is bad) and in those cases, the peer group still constitutes 100% of the effect...but the peers include the family. Hence parental effects are visible. But only if the parents become peers.
Re: Kids
Date: 2009-07-03 06:02 pm (UTC)--aretae
Re: Kids
Date: 2009-07-03 10:12 pm (UTC)Are the studies only looking at effects of peer vs parent during adolescence?
I expect that the idea of respectful parenting as espoused by the folks at the AlwaysLearning yahoo group, would lead to teens wanting to hang out with parents, and thus still being influenced by them.
I thought your studies were discounting parents from earlier than adolescence, however.